The Not-So Pleasantries

Well... it's definitely been a while.

I prefer writing about the nice things, the fun things, the things that will make readers smile and feel good. My lack of posting is due to a lack of these things. Alas, when you try to bury and forget the unhappy things in life, you deprive yourself of the opportunity to analyze and learn from them. And really, that's part of learning how to be you.

My job was taken away from me, and replaced with half as much work, half as much money, and a whole lot of stamping on my pride. All of it without warning. I certainly spent plenty of time feeling sorry for myself, unable to understand why it happened and not knowing what to do next. Wallowing felt like the appropriate thing for a while. But even that gets tiresome, and I felt compelled to pick myself up, look the weak spots in the eye, and get the heck on with my life lessons.

Although I exude confidence in the face of change and newness, I start to buckle when people learn that I'm not perfect. Even the expectations I have for myself are too high sometimes. Therefore, I have begun to allow myself the room to keep trying new things, make more mistakes, and most of all let go of selling myself out to someone else's idea of perfection. Truth is, I'm never going to be a perfect anybody. I only get to be a perfect me.

I've spent the past couple of years taking a long, hard look at where I am headed. The destination is still not clear to me, but I've at least been bushwhacking my way through a forest of mistakes, relationships, and wrong turns in search of it. A number of happy accidents, unsuspecting people, and helpful detours have brought me closer to at least figuring something out.

I know that I want to work with people to help them understand and love themselves, which I am hoping will result in their understanding and love for others. I also know that I get a big kick out of the human body, the way it moves and the way it works. So my personal direction for now is to immerse myself in a medium that helps people understand their bodies. It will hopefully allow them a doorway to understanding themselves.

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