To Millennials and the Little Black Square
There is nothing my generation loves more than instant gratification. I am guilty of this myself. It has taken me several days to feel through the enormity of what our society currently faces. Yes, I am angry. But my explosion of anger did not feel like the best use of me, so I took a little time. And I think taking time made it possible to prevent myself from falling into the trap of social media posting to prove my #BLM solidarity to the virtual world. I feel strongly that if I had participated, I might have allowed myself to feel that I had done my part with that ONE POST and moved on. That would have been an instant way to feel like I had addressed the problem, with repercussions I was not comfortable with.
So do not shame me or tell me I am doing it wrong. There is more going on over here than you would ever know from social media.
My contemplations have been the most focused on follow-through. My generation has an extremely difficult time trusting processes, working toward long-term goals, and believing that we can build a world we want to live in. The facts are that if we were born in the 80s and early 90s, very few, if any, of our investments have shown a return. We were told to do a good job, get good grades, be a good person, and there will be a reward later for all that hard work. We got out of school to see a recession, and were left with massive amounts of student loan debt that continue to squeeze us dry. Some of us found our way to the "safe" corporate jobs, often in exchange for pleasure and enjoyment of life. Those of us who managed a different path are now strangled by the pandemic crisis. Strike one on returns.
Millennials are also obsessed with authenticity, expressing ourselves, and not giving a fuck, yet very few of us learned emotional intelligence growing up. Whether due to parenting trends, lack of people/resources in our lives, or because we simply resisted the old ways of “because I said so”, we (myself included) learned that we have to look out for our own emotional well-being because no one has time for us, or knows how to communicate with us, or expresses the humble desire to consider our best interests along with their own. This compounded as we got older, tried and failed and tried again at all kinds of relationships, and eventually it bred a total distrust of other people. Strike number two. So you see, we don’t believe anything from anyone or anywhere - give it to us now or it’s not worth it. That belief has been reinforced our whole lives.
This is not a “poor me” or an excuse for behavior, simply a reality that I have engaged with my whole life, which I think offers context for Millennial reactions/responses I have seen and heard regarding the Black Lives Matter movement.
I want to spend another minute on this perspective of other people. We like people. In fact, we actually desperately want a world where people are kind to each other. I am regularly involved in whole business ideas centered around community and helping people, and providing resources and wisdom. But we need to start at the beginning and root out these rotten beliefs about nobody taking care of us and nothing ever working out, because we have ended up with an “every man for himself” attitude. I regularly feel like I only have space to consider my own thoughts and needs - it is exhausting to go back and dig up old ways of thinking that are perpetuating my feelings of loneliness and isolation. A little dip into psychology shows us that brains literally process information based on what they were taught to believe. And if under all those community service business ideas, there still lingers a belief that they will never come to fruition, then they won’t. My brain tells me they won’t, and then makes it seem like that is the only option. So even though I desperately, truly want a world full of kindness and equality for all people, if I believe my work to make that happen will return nothing, then I won’t follow through.
Only in the last few years have I gotten a grip and made significant changes. I'd say it's changed my life and my effect in my community for the better, but don't take my word for it. I dare you to give "the system" the bird, and test it for yourself.
In terms of right now… Sure, there are definitely some immediate reactions going on in the world and those are absolutely 100% warranted. I completely agree with justice for George Floyd and the movement that has reignited because of it. Get out there and protest if that fulfills your role of participation in this. I happen to become very anxious in crowds, which might become a hinderance while trying to prove my solidarity. My personal skills lie in research, collecting data, extracting common themes and threads, putting new ideas together, and presenting them, especially in writing. I am also skilled at having conversations and mediating, as well as teaching. My skills include a LOT of self-development work to realize how my brain works, to observe and tackle sneaky beliefs that I didn’t even realize were there, and then to practice finding alternate methods that will take me to the long-term goal of becoming the person that I want to be. And I don’t even care about the “reward” at the end for doing that work. Spoiler alert, no one told us this growing up: the reward is in the doing.
White people, our work is incredibly multi-layered. We have a LOT to learn. We are standing up to literal centuries of systemic racism in a week. And my generation, hanging around in the back after posting their little black squares, I see you. I know you want to do more, and you feel overwhelmed, and everyone is telling you how you should take part in standing for BIPOC. Back up and realize that we are all designed with unique gifts, and since when have you listened to people telling you what to do in the first place? Take stock of your own damn self and find resources that match up with your skills. No money? Go watch the YouTube videos linked below on repeat, whose ad money will go toward the organizations able to help the efforts of protestors. No time? Find a bailout organization to donate to, order take-out from a local black-owned restaurant. And put that YouTube video on repeat, mute it, and walk away. Also, check in with social media once a day, and then get the hell off it to spend time with the trees. I'm serious. Are you better with art? Offer to paint a mural in a public space, make a video showcasing people who are working with lawmakers to build more appropriate legislation, write a song that expresses whatever feelings are coming up for you. Are you more suited to one-on-one interactions? Read a book about systemic racism with a friend, provide a safe space for someone to talk with you, seek out a therapist to get to the bottom of what beliefs you may have that unconsciously prevent you from making a difference. Or maybe you’re like me, wanting to work with the whole picture - educate yourself about as many perspectives as possible, aim for the truth bombs that are difficult for people to consider, and then talk and write about it. YOU ARE NOT HELPLESS. YOUR VOICE IS IMPORTANT.
All this to say, instant gratification solidarity is a direct result of my generation doing what we have learned to do - wanting to be involved, feeling like our efforts are pointless, spending 5 seconds of effort so we can carry on worrying about our survival. We are disillusioned. Our survival depends upon our roles in our communities, and our roles tend to be a reflection of our own self-worth. This is a marathon, maybe even an ultra-marathon, and we cannot afford to treat it in our usual way so we burn out before we hit the end goal of equality and healthy community. Achieving a better world is perhaps more like endurance training - you have to put in varied and consistent daily work to become strong and resilient enough to race for hours and still be able to sprint for the finish line if needed. Do NOT let the little black squares represent the entirety of your commitment. Practice, practice, practice, and we WILL reach our goals.
Follow the 5/+/r/3/a/m process posted in the comments of the video:
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