Black Clouds and Sunflowers

Here's a thought: mind-body medicine. Hmmm... There's something relieving about routine. So often it is suggested that we "shake it up", "do something spontaneous", or "go against the grain." While those are all worthwhile choices to be made, there is something to be said for having elements in ones daily life that are the same. Constant chaos is a force to be reckoned with, for sure, and having things to come back to, to ground yourself with, allows for the lovely moments of being still. Reading has been the name of the game for the past couple of weeks. One of the biggest things that stuck out for me recently was in an article I read somewhere, in which the author found that some of the most successful people in history have a common practice: they sit alone for at least 20 minutes every morning. This is something I have been attempting to cultivate for months now, with spotty success. Morning meditation, in my experience, has been bombarde...

Confession: I'm pouting that I haven't been called to help in Boulder right now. The past week in particular has been ripe with conversation about life purpose. Three of my closest friends have entertained these thoughts with me; one focused on talents, one on method, and one on timing. Talents. It's kind of a loaded subject, especially for someone who grew up with a heavy dose of the arts. I'm trained to think about talents on a mechanical level - how high I can kick, what my vocal range is, what grade of music I can sight-read. Natural talents always looked like that to me, and until I studied psychology in college, it hadn't occurred to me that even things like intelligent problem solving, creating safe dialogue, and effectively managing staff all qualified as talents too. So my friend and I chatted, picking apart the ways in which we felt we could be used, if only our true talents had the proper outlet. Behold the second conversation of the week: friend...

I couldn't even think. Mary-Laurence was on the other end of the phone, trying to be strong for me, but I knew she was having just as much trouble as I was. The first stages of the psychology of it all went by real fast... denial, anger... and then I landed *splat* in the middle of shock. Somehow, I was able to have an entire phone conversation without losing it, so I hung up and just stood there. I knew only the pertinent information. As soon as the words, "Blake was in an accident," escaped my mouth, I was in a pile against my mother. They're the kind of stories you hear about, not the ones that you think are going to personally affect you. And truthfully, I don't know how I would have been affected had it been somebody else in my social group. But this was Blake, one of my best friends in the world. He had a rock climbing accident. He and I had climbed together for months before I left Boulder, and I witnessed his excellent decision-making skills about clim...

I'm home. Well... how do you define "home" anyway? I feel like I've outgrown this place, and even the house I grew up in no longer says much about who I am these days. For one, I have got to get rid of the orange and purple bedroom. I've changed so much, it's a little bit ridiculous. Instead of pasta, my quick meals look more like eggs and vegetables. Instead of laboring at the thought of running, I'm regularly killing my 2mi loop at a 7 min/mi pace. Rather than floundering for a social life, time spent reading or otherwise alone is relished. And the job? Erm... that looks relatively the same. I was hired back at the rock gym the other day. So what's the problem? Well, there's no problem per se, all of my basic needs are being met and my family is here for me. I guess there's just a weird little resistance to coming back, and I'm having trouble putting my finger on what it is. At first, it sounded great to come back, take things a li...

Well... it's definitely been a while. I prefer writing about the nice things, the fun things, the things that will make readers smile and feel good. My lack of posting is due to a lack of these things. Alas, when you try to bury and forget the unhappy things in life, you deprive yourself of the opportunity to analyze and learn from them. And really, that's part of learning how to be you. My job was taken away from me, and replaced with half as much work, half as much money, and a whole lot of stamping on my pride. All of it without warning. I certainly spent plenty of time feeling sorry for myself, unable to understand why it happened and not knowing what to do next. Wallowing felt like the appropriate thing for a while. But even that gets tiresome, and I felt compelled to pick myself up, look the weak spots in the eye, and get the heck on with my life lessons. Although I exude confidence in the face of change and newness, I start to buckle when people learn that I'm ...